fear is a funny thing, there are times in my life when i have let the fear run things, let the fear control what i do, how i do andwhen i do things.
But now, now the fear works for me. I am still afraid, petrified even, but i'm using that fear, making it drivce me on, using it against itself.
I have a lot to be fearful of, many bad things may happen if i get found out. But the fear os these things pales in comparision to the fear of what may happen should i fail in my task. There are things out there which are much worse than anything that they can and probably will do to me should the ever catch me.
My fear holds me together in the dark, when the voices come. The past taunts me still. As i lay there i can hear the screams of those who trusted me before, their faith in me was wasted in the same way as their lives.
it is the fear that this will happen again that haunts me now. the fear that this time it will be worse. A fear that only i can bear, because only i know what is happening and how to stop it from escalating further.
Yes, fear is a funny thing. Motivating some people into doing extraordinary feats and freezing others into numbing silence. But i will not be one of the silent ones any more. I'm going to be my loud self, i always have been loud and always will be. The fear that silenced me in the past will motivate me, pushing me down the right path this time.
There can be no more suffering, no more pain. not here, not now, not again. I'm living my life the way it should've been lived, i'm living my destiny.
There's that word again, destiny. it's another funny one, destiny and fear go hand in hand. sometimes, like i did in the past, you fear the destiny your life has. and sometimes the destiny leads to fear.
like some haunting melody that has played through my life, as though it were my theme tune, the fear is always there, echoing through my head.